A lady is never rude, except intentionally.
Friday, December 18, 2015
There are so many problems in the world that we have to struggle with. From violence to natural disasters to injustice to poverty, there is an endless list of things to make life harder. Don't make yourself part of that list.
I think that one large stumbling block that so many women have to work to overcome is the tendency to try to turn themselves into men. I don't mean physically, and even mentally I think most people would not even realise that it was happening. But as human beings, we are shaped by our surroundings. And our surroundings, from every direction, scream at us that men are superior, that they are worth more, that they can do more, that being a woman is a weakness instead of a stregnth.
But that is where they are wrong. It is most definitely a stregnth. And I firmly and whole-heartedly believe that each and every woman is strong enough to fight the daily torrent of down-putting responses each and every day, we are strong enough to push past that, to look at ourselves and say, "I am me. And that's okay. In fact, that is not okay- it is great. I will keep being me."
I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it.
A very famous quote from Miz Marilyn Monroe, there is a depth here that I believe can be overlooked easily. And it is in reference to feeling comfortable in one's own skin and sexuality and femininity. To be a woman and to be okay with that. It is more than an outward show of confidence, it is an inner Zen, if you like, an understanding that you are already all you need to be, and that by being yourself, you are being spectacular.
And who is remembered as being spectular more than Miss Norma Jean herself?
Thursday, December 17, 2015
To quote the estimable Debra N. Mancoff in her book "Fashion in Impressionist Paris'" clothing provides "an articulate and accessible code of modern identity. Through their attire, men and women negotiated the complex world's of public image, proper decorum and personal relationships."
Like it or not, any impression made by you will include influence from your personal appearance. That is human nature. And not only would a lady never allow herself to be seen looking less than perfect, she would also never want to lose out on an opportunity to demonstrate her class and ladyship. Therefore, whether you are fashionably inclined or you don't know taupe from mauve really doesn't matter. What matters is that there should be a modesty and attention to detail in your dress, grooming, and hygene that will leave no one wondering whether you are a lady. "Such details would not have gone unnoticed, and in a portrait they would have represented the attributes of a respectable woman."
Monday, December 14, 2015
This video beautifully illustrates a brief visit to a ladies' finishing school in the United Kingdoms. With interesting viewpoints, rousing conversation, and an intellectual debate, this video is a must-watch for anyone who wishes to learn more.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Monday, November 30, 2015
The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Make no mistake: real ladies aren't elitist, prissy, or superficial... Ladies are leaders, champions, and role models. Regardless of your age, race, religion, appearance, or sexual orientation, there's no excuse NOT to be a lady today... And that's the only 'rule' you need to know!
The Kansas City Star review of Noelle Cleary and Dini von Mueffling's The Art and Power of Being a Lady
A modern lady has grace, self-confidence, independence, ethics, style, and humor... And (is) ready to take on today's unique challenged with grace and strength.
Monday, October 12, 2015
An interesting article I thought I would share. Being a feminist, I do not necessarily agree with everything that is stated here. But there is a lot of good advice within.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
There are so many role models out there for ladies-in-training, and who better than Her Highness, Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge? Ever since the Royal Wedding, pictures are flooding in of what she ate, who she wore, what she did, and how she acted. I will preface this by saying that I am firmly for privacy, and make it a point not to immerse myself in tabloids and tattlers, but in this day and age it is all but impossible not to know which DVF dress she wore where, and what Karl Lagerfield especially designed for her. And in all of these things, one thing stands clear: Princess Kate has style. But it is more than that. She carries herself well, shoulders back, head high, smile firmly in place. She never stumbles or stutters, always perfectly composed and aware of everything going in around her. And she is modest. Her clothing always covers her properly, with no "mishaps" or accidents because she didn't cover all of herself. But at the same time, she is in no way dowdy or matronly. Rather, she looks young and fresh, while still being modest and holding on to some old-fashioned values that we all could learn from.
So, here are a few tips that I have personally found helpful. As always, not every one will apply to you and your situation, so if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me, and I will help if I can. That said, here goes:
1.) Nude. The colour nude, especially a warm or pink-toned shade, is something every woman should have in her repetoir. Lipsticks, heels, and nails all can be very flattering in nude and, should you choose the right shade, can completely pull a look together and give it a more modern feel. Invest in some good nudes, because they go with everything. Literally.
2.) The "one inch" rule. The hem of any skirt, suit, dress, or even shorts, should usually be within one inch of your knee. Whether that be above the knee or below, going more than one inch in either direction is rarely a good idea- and should be left to the professionals. Not sure if your skirt is modest enough? If this is the case, put it back. When in doubt, throw it out; it is better to err on the side of caution- there are many classic phrases that tell us that for centuries this approach has worked. No need to change that now! And no-one ever said being a lady would be easy. Sometimes it calls for us to sacrifice that sexy bodycon for a streamlined skirt suit. Trust me, you will thank me later.
3.) Always have a statement piece. If you are like me, then you don't have an endless bamk account. However, whenever possible, as I always say, buy quality. So what to do if you only have $50 to spend? Buy neutrals and classics. Greys, browns, blacks, whites, and tans are all easy to find and to mix and match so that you can get the optimum amount of outfits from your clothes. Buying items like a well-cut suit, nude pumps, and a classic LBD, will make your wardrobe decisions easier, if a little bland. Add a pop of colour with a bright scarf, tights, or a hat, and you are set.
I suppose the point of all of this is, being modest is part of being a lady. So take a lesson from a real, world-class lady, and learn a thing or two.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
There are so many facets of what it takes to be a lady. I can't even go into all of them now, because it would take too much time. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone could ennumerate the different facets of being in lady. However, here is a link to something that I think is rather important: being a woman who isn't afraid to kick some butts and take some names to get what she wants.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Creating a cultural icon out of someone who goes, "I'm stupid, isn't it cute?" makes me want to throw daggers. I want to say to them, 'My grandma did not fight for what she fought for just so you can start telling women it's fun to be stupid. Saying that to young women, little girls, my daughter? It's not okay.'"
If I wouldn't say this in front of my grandmother, I probably shouldn't say it at all.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
We'll probably never be able to escape (Stupid Girls) or change them, but we can certainly step up our game and provide a glowimg example of what an It Girl should be- confident, chic, and clever.
The minute you hoist that stiletto heel up onto the barstool upholstery, you have crossed into Stupid Girl territory.
Friday, August 14, 2015
17 Insanely Easy Ways To Be A Bit More Charming http://www.buzzfeed.com/caseygueren/so-were-having-weather?utm_term=.piQ5AdqJP
No words. This is amazing, and apploes to everyone. If you click on one link on my blog, click on this one.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a bit: I'm still here, I promise!
Today, let's talk about strength. There are so many people out there who can be difficult to deal with, we all know a few. But I like to look at mine as an opportunity- training, if you will. Because anyone can get in a fight. My three year old nice can do it, my eighty-something grandmother can do it, you can do it. It's easy.
But strength means not taking the easy way out, it means doing it the hard way, if it means you do it right. Because for most people, it will always be easier to let loose and start yelling than to keep your mouth shut and consider things from the opposing point of view.
Maybe they are wrong and you are right, totally and completely. However, insisting upon it will not change people's minds.
Have the strength to keep the peace, and you will definitely see a difference in your life.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Friday, May 22, 2015
I have heard no-one ever claim to be impressed when someone goes out of their way to show off. Good deeds, when done right, will speak for themselves, and there will be no need to raise your voice. Like the German proverb says, "Secret charity and secret patience are best."
There is an old Italian proverb which says, "It is not for the blind to give an opinion on colors." And a great man once said that opinion is the lowest form of intelligence. This is a motto that everyone should remember. Now, don't misunderstand me. Opinion is everyone's privilege, and all are entitled to theirs. However, an opinion based on anything besides solid fact, or a factual opinion biased by emotion, should be kept to oneself. Few things appear more nonsensical than an ignorant person trying to pass off their opinion as fact. Neither should you state an opinion without knowledge to back it up. Not only will this save you from embarrassing situations later, but remember that everyone has role models, and you may unknowingly lead someone astray with incorrect information.
So remember. Opinions, when factual, practical, relevant, or well-based, are fine. Otherwise, keep them to yourself.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Ettiquette- A Guide to Contemporary Living, Revised and Expanded by Letitia Baldrige, by Amy Vanderbilt. ©1952.
Say it with me: Etiquette is not obsolete! For the modern lady, etiquette is an essential, and there is nowhere better to go than to the Queen of Etiquette, Ms. Amy Vanderbilt.
Introduction the the "Entertaining" section; Amy Vanderbilt, The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Ettiquette- A Guide to Contemporary Living, Revised and Expanded by Letitia Baldrige
One of the most important facets in one's life is knowing how to entertain. Whether you live in a one room apartment with an annual income of $6, 500 or whether you live on an estate with an annual income of $300,000, the spirit of entertaining is the same. It is simply giving pleasure to others
It is a gift to know how to entertain well. It is also one of the most creative actions we carry out in our life. Possessing wealth does not automatically ensure being a good host, because affluence has nothing to do with a desire to please others, to be at ease with others, to be warm and welcoming.
If the host and hostess plan well in advance, even the most minute details; if they carefully compose their guest list; and if they look forward to an opportunity to please others, then the party will be a success. Weather trained staff past platters of roast pheasant, or whether the guest helps himself to a casserole of stew, it is the attitude in the home that counts, the spirit, the atmosphere of real warmth.
Above all, remember one thing: entertaine is not easy. There is no such thing as the "Party-giving is a snap" hostess. Attention to detail, a continuing awareness of how the party is progressing and how the guests are feeling, requires constant alertness. This does not mean that one should be a nervous Nelly with you about like a bird in frenetic, useless activity, but it does mean keeping an eye on all the details. It is no contradiction to say that you can work hard at your own party and still enjoyed it tremendously.
Giving a good party is a creative achievement. It is also very satisfying to know that you have given your friends pleasure.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Burlesque and the Art of the Teese/ Fetish and the Art of the Teese, by Dita Von Teese. ©2006. This book is a lavish celebration of sensuality and showgirls. I have been a fan of Miss von Teese for a long time. With each new release, every exciting reveal, she has settled deeper into the hearts of America- men and women love her, copy her, fantasize about her, long for her, watch her, and dream of someday being on the same realm as the heavenly sinful Miss Dita.
(Her) art is creating spectacle and inspiring dreams.
I advocate glamour. Every day. Every minute. Glamour... glamour above all things. That is what I say. There was a time, after all- well, before all- when a lady dressed to the nines no matter what her destination. This great girl wore seamed stockings and garter belts every single day. She curled her eyelashes and she set her hair in luscious waves. She painter her lips a flushed, rich scarlet. Wherever the day took her, she wore high heels and satin gloves to her elbows, soaring cocque feathers and veils of the finest netting over her eyes. And so do I.
Friday, May 8, 2015
Today I was invited to a last-minute pitch-in, and was asked to bring a dish. This is a perfect example of why preparedness is so important. There were two ways I could have reacted to this situation: I could panic and worry about it, or I could be calm, because I was prepared for such a thing. Pitch-ins are popular where I live, we have them regularly, and often have to feed and entertain 70 or more people.
Having one or a few go-to dishes and games/activities at the ready definitely pays off. I brought a cheese and cracker hors d'oeuvre. It went over spectacularly, and I had no leftovers to bring home. What I count as a successful day.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
You just know when you are in the company of a confident woman. Even (or especially) in the face of imperfections, her air is striking. Her beauty is fueled from something inside her. It's not that she doesn't care about her looks; on the contrary, she is so comfortable with who she is that she even embraces her quirks and flaws.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
And that, my dears, is what expensive makeup is all about. It as knit fades into the backround, bringing out your beauty to make you the star, not your makeup. It has that "je ne sais quoi" quality you see on models in magazines, a flow that looks like it's more than skin deep.
I believe that beauty is power. When your hair looks polished, you feel polished. When you get your skin under control, you feel more in control of your life. The right lipstick color can life your mood better than Prozac... It's not about being flashy or a show-off or a showgirl (that's a different kind of expensive). It's luxe, not loud. More Paris, France than Paris Hilton.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Sunday, April 26, 2015
In nature the female of the species is higher than the male. The male must work hard to impress the female of the species in order to win the honor of mating with her. And it is not different in human society. The female is largely responsible for populating and nurturing the world. In the same way, our men festoon themselves and strut about to try and earn the attention of the woman. Nature triumphs, even after years of oppression against us.
So don't settle for a man who is not a gentleman.
Friday, April 24, 2015
You have probably noticed that the lady of your acquaintance who thinks of herself as a duchess may cause a good many laughs, but usually, in the main, is treated like a duchess—in so far, at least, as her friends know how a duchess should be treated. It is equally true that it is the lady who expects orchids who gets them, while you and I are pinning on a single gardenia.
Friday, April 17, 2015
The number one rule for living like a Jackie (Kennedy Onassis) or a Marilyn (Monroe) [or some combination thereof] is to create yourself in your own [best] image.
It would be all too easy for Lizzy (Bennett) to mope and resign herself to her pride's spectacular fall, but Lizzy is a heroine of action. Ever on the hunt for self-understanding, she is forced to evaluate her own role in the debacle, and what she sees is not flattering. Given the chance to behave heroically, Lizzy shines: in the face of her own shortcomings, she doesn't flinch for a second. Instead, she confronts herself with a heroine's daring. It's time to change and challenge the beliefs she once held so dear.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
A lady should be at least mildly conversant in the popular subjects of the time, including local and international news, popular and classic entertainment, as well as secular and educational matters. One such thing is poetry. You need not be a scholar to be conversant, as long as you acquaint yourself with the classics. A working knowledge of Shakespeare, Byron, Keats, Shelley, and Pope can be considered quite an acceptable variety, and all are well-known to even the most casual of poetry readers. An effort to expand your horizons, as well as your understanding, may be incredibly useful some day- if not, you will be known as an educated, nicely reasoned lady, which is all any of us can ask for.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
Don't whisper, in public or in private. If you do so in public, you are being rude and distrustful to those not privy to your private remark. If you do so in private with a friend, there should be no reason to whisper, as only you and your friend are conversing. It is a simple matter, but failing to uphold this rule will result in hurt feelings, damaged pride, and a loss of reputation.
Also, please note that if you are whispering because you are discussing an outside figure, don't discuss it. If you would not say it to the person, or to those who love her, don't say it to someone whose business it does not involve.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Monday, March 16, 2015
You can wear circle skirts and pearls or cowboy boots and drink a beer-it doesn't matter. Being a lady is not how you dress, though a lady is always modest when necessary. Don't let others dictate your style. Being a lady is a condition of the heart, and it takes upkeep. Don't let others tear it down.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Jewelry can also help to emphasize the 'feminine image' that one wants to be associated with in the minds of others because the kind of jewelry a woman chooses reflects much about who she is as a woman (and what her personal taste is).
Friday, February 20, 2015
Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies'eyes.
Here, in my opinion, lies a prime example of Mr. Shakespeare's deep understanding and appreciation of women. What he is saying, in effect, is that a good lady can see a man blackened by his sins, but can perceive the good in him-- even, in some cases, bring it to the foreground. This is a skill that all should strive to achieve, but remember: with great power comes great responsibility.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Seductress, Betsy Prioleau. ©2003.
A study of seductresses of the past, and how to attain their success. To quote the book, "For those, though, who'd like eros under their control, beaux at their bidding, and the upper hand in sex, the know-how is there for the taking."
If you scrape off the cultural debris - superstitions, myths, and media cant - you'll see a woman to be reckoned with. The seductress is one of the most potent female personas in existence. Though long misunderstood and ignored, she's the paradigmatic liberated woman, empowered with me and empowered in life.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
By her example she ingrained in us girls one of our most valued Southern traditions: your elders deserve respect, period. No ifs, ands, or buts.
So I just spent this morning in a tightly-packed sedan with a group of women who spent the better part of four hours talking down to me, not including me in their plans, laughing at me, and making me, in general, dislike them and myself. So, a note. Firstly, please notice that I did not refer to these people as ladies. Their conduct was abhorrent. Secondarily, whether I am "beneath" them or not is of no matter: no-one should be treated that way. Thirdly, people don't forget when this is done to them. They may keep quiet, miserable and hateful, but if they had a chance, many people would find it difficult to pass on an opportunity to repay the treatment. And finally. These harsh words were from people I knew well, among them my sister, a girl I grew up with, and a more recent friend. It is difficult to keep from believing these people when they seem to want you to feel like baggage. But there are a few adages I like to keep in mind for such situations:
You are not considered a good person by how you treat your superiors. You are considered to be a good person by how you treat those beneath you.
Do to others what you would like to be done to you, if the situation were reversed.
Do not let the circumstances surrounding you define how you act: a lady proves she is a lady when she acts properly despite intervening circumstances.
And, finally, to quote Shakespeare: "all the glitters is not gold."
Monday, February 9, 2015
Live Like a Hot Chick, by Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent. ©2010.
The opening chapter of this book is an inspiration. As soon as I had read it-devoured it, more like-I immediately went online and bought a copy for my best friend. This book is stock-full of advice, epigrams, sass, and style, managing to make you love yourself even on the days when you don't change out of your sweats, and eat ice cream out of the tub. We all have those Low Self Esteem moments and, for most of us, it feels like our entire life is that moment. This book looks at you and says, hey. So what? Get over it!
When a train heads straight at you, a smart girl derails it.
A lady shouldn't have to fight to get what she wants.
What men call logic is all too often a convoluted rationalization in the service of their egos neuroses, and prejudices... Knowing this, a smart woman deals with male "logic" from the vantage point of quiet superiority.
A smart girl lets a man take full credit for doing exactly what she wants him to do.
A Southern Belle picks her fights... There are so many other ways to get what you want
Sissy wasn't really beautiful, but men never noticed. With her deep green eyes, her shoulder- length auburn hair that swung when she moved, and the way she moved as if she enjoyed just being inside her body, men had always paid her lots of attention. But then, Sissy thought, it's not what a girl looks like that captivates a man. It's how hard he has to work for her. A smart girl makes a man sweat. She decided to make that rule number 16 in The Southern Belle's Handbook, which was what Sissy had ironically titled that compendium of helpful hints and rules her mother and grandmother tried so hard to instill in her. Her mother had wanted her to grow up a gracious southern lady. Her grandmother just didn't want the (jerks) to grind her down. Sissy had added to it over the years, until The Southern Belle's Handbook became her personal credo. She kept it in her head, assigning numbers at random, but then Sissy always had a random relationship with numbers.
It is traditionally believed that Cleopatra dazzled Caesar with her great beauty. Instead, it was the power of her intelligence and personality that drew him to her. According to Plutarch, "the charm of her presence was irresistible, and there was an attraction in her person and her talk, together with a peculiar force of character which pervaded her every word and action, and laid all who associated with her under its spell. "
Saturday, February 7, 2015
The classy woman, through her language, attempts to make those around her feel comfortable, respected, and at ease and she treats everyone, regardless of their appearance, social class, and educational level, with the same amount of respect and graciousness.
Good men who are intelligent, kindhearted, of good character, and know how to treat a woman well are desirable, to say the least, and have the pick of the women in the world. You can be sure that they're looking out for a certain kind of creature and know their ideal mate.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Everyday you spend hating your body is a day that you are not living like a hot chick. Your time and energy should be spent on accomplishing your dreams and enjoying your life, not making yourself feel worthless and wallowing in self-pity. It's time to put an end to your negative, insecure thoughts and genuinely embrace the body that you have.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Secondarily, I have had "friends" before who spent all their time talking bad about their other "friends." Which means, by process of common sense and an understanding of human nature, that they were talking about me when I wasn't there. If you stick around when people start to talk, be prepared for the fallout. Stick up for the underdog, and people will notice. Not only will they stop gossiping around you, but you will give them one less thing to talk about when you turn your back.
So don't be an everyday person. Be spectacular. Have the courage to stand above everyone else, because you don't want their dirt smothering your shine.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Many people will agree with me that a person who is not considerate is a very grating thing, and no-one wants to be with a person like that. Mould yourself into a truly considerate person, and you will have the true essence of a lady.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
A real lady knows how to make a proper glass of iced tea. And I mean real iced tea, not Lipton cold brew. Whether having a friend over for brunch, or hosting a tea party on the hottest day of summer, a good recipe for iced tea is an essential.
For the recipe, click here.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
The second concern is her makeup. Under no circumstances does the Bombshell want her face to get wet. She will cover her head with a scarf or magazine if no umbrella is present. Men have been known to walk several blocks out of their way to keep a Bombshell's head covered and she has quite a collection of business cards to prove it.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Stuff Every Woman Should Know by Alanna Kalb. Copyright 2010.
This book includes everything from how to check your oil to how to dress for your body type. A comprehensive guide to the most important necessities to becoming a well-rounded lady. Plus: it's pocket-sized for easy transportation! Definitely worth the purchase.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
If the boys are savages, we want (the girls) to be their civilizer. We want her to tame them, to subdue their ferocity, to soften their manners, and to teach them all-needed lessons of order, sobriety, and meekness, and patience, and goodness... Seek ye then, fair daughters, the possession of that inward grace, whose essence shall permeate and vitalize the affections, adorn the countenance, make mellifluous the voice, and impart a hallowed beauty even to your motions. Not merely that you may be loved, would I urge you this, but that you may, in truth, be lovely- that loveliness which fades not with time, nor is marred or alienated by disease, but which neither chance nor change can in any way despoil.
Beauty and style are not the surest passports to womanhood - some of the noblest specimens of womanhood that the world has ever seen, have presented the plainest and most unprepossessing appearance. A woman's worth is to be estimated by the real goodness of her heart, the greatness of her soul, and the purity and sweetness of her character; and a woman with a kindly disposition and well-balanced temper, is both lovely and attractive, be her face ever so plain, and her figure ever so homely...
Have the courage to cut the most agreeable acquaintance. - Do this when you are convinced that he lacks principle; a friend should bear with a friend's infirmities, but not with his vices.
An author is known by his writings, a mother by her daughter, a fool by his words, and all men (or women) by their companions.
The world is full of ignorance, and the ignorant will always criticise, because they live to suffer ills, for they know no better.
From sniffing my way through an upscale perfume boutique to cornering a car salesman for valuable bargaining tips, there's one thing I realized: No matter what you're doing or who you're talking to, stand up straight, pull back those shoulders, and smile. It works, and it's called confidence. Don't have any? Fake it.